I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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