I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
