i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's shark week go big or go home
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
