thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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