i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
