We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
