I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
