She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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