Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize