Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
