I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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