My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
