I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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