just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
