jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
