we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
