apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
