So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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