i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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