I'm really into asian looking animals
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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