just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So vagazzling was a success
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
