Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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