after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
