TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize