He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
