While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
