The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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