Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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