Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
