The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
