New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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