i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
