I just saw a hot homeless man
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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