my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
