so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
