I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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