if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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