i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
