wanna go halves on a baby?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
