I think my fart just growled at me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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