i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
