Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
