So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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