It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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