I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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