there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
