My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
