Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
