i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
