sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
