Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
