He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
