I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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