He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
