I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
