man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
