I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
