my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
