im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I party with great urgency now.
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