GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's never too late to be topless.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
