I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
