can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
