Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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