Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
