i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
