Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
