this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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