Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
