Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
