my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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