If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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