omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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