i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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