Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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