you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
