Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
