so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
