i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
