Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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