how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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