Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
