I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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