I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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