I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
