Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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