Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
