quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
