I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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