if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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