my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
