I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I could make wine with my vomit
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
