And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Someone shit on the floor
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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