My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Someone signed my nipple.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
