Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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