You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
