I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
