I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You smell like stripper and shame
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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