I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
