butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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