Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
