today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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