Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
