Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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