I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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