So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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