I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
