paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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