I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
