At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She told me I should be a condom model.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
